It’s December 21, 2012..

*cricket* *cricket*

.. what was it that was supposed to happen? LOL.

I honestly can’t explain the feeling i get when i’m with you. I know it’s not love. I know i don’t love you. But i’m in love with the feeling i get when i’m with you. Whether it’s during the day when the sun is still up, studying or just sitting outside talking, or when the night takes over and the stars scatter above us. The feeling i get when we lose track of time, talking for hours on end until we notice that it’s close to dawn. The feeling i get when we’re laying next to each other. & that’s it. We lay there, we relax and we talk. Sex, although tempting, doesn’t even invade that moment. That’s what we started off with. Temptation. For three years, we’ve known what we wanted from each other. You’re the one who introduced me to this crazy wild life, moving on from being good and innocent all the time. But over time, i’ve realized being friends with you is better than being infatuated with you. I like how you proved that it’s possible for two people to chill without having sex, even when the temptation is unexplainably strong. Simply laying there with you and talking..

I feel amazing. I feel happy. I feel as if i’m content with who i am and where i am. I feel comfortable and relaxed. I feel as if i don’t have to do something ‘incredible’ to impress you. The fact that you don’t take advantage of me and actually respect me for who i am even when over and over again i keep giving you reasons as to why i am the lames and biggest loser around. You treat me like i’m actually someone worth something. Tons of times you’ve seen me looking like a mess, I don’t even know why you keep insisting on seeing me. No one’s watching, just you and me and the stars above us. I can’t help but smile when i’m with your company because for once, i feel respected.

I fell in love with your sins, cause they tell me that you’re not perfect.

I’m in love with the smiles, the laughs and the times we share.. i’d be crazy to say i love you or that i’m in love with you. Hell fucking no. I’m simply in love with our friendship. 

Being popular & well-known was never my thing. Personally, i much prefer being that person that people notice, but have absolutely no idea about me. I’d rather that they notice me but they don’t know who i am. I guess i just like that distance and that feeling of mystery

Yellowcard is one of the bands that i can never & will never get tired of listening to.

i could’ve sworn and i know that it wasn’t laced with anything else.

Yet it put me in a different kind of high. Definitely more trippy.. which has never happened before (except on this one scary incident)

I felt like different forces were gently pushing against me from all angles, feeling as if I was melting in a sense. My vision started to develop a wavy pattern and no doubt my senses were on its highest sensitivity. I could feel every twitch and contraction of my muscles; I was aware of every movement of my body.

Then it got to the point where it was pointless to move, since i had the movement capability of a fuckin snail. So i decided to lay down in bed.. Holy fuck. My breathing scared the living hell out of me. I swear, it was abnormal at its finest.

Like, i could see that my chest rising up and down on a normal, steady pace but my mind was giving it the illusion that i was breathing irregularly. I could feel/imagine my heart beating really really fast then really really slow, erratically while my sight shows me otherwise. 

Finally, i was able to settle at a condition where i knew i was asleep but at the same time i was awake…

It literally was beaucoup hours later when i was able to separate myself from that lethargic and loopy feeling. It’s definitely late now and i’m just now starting to feel the high lift off of me and get back into ‘reality’.

Highgrade shit, maybe?

And then i lost my mind..

Smile with my lips. Smile with my mind.

With one person, it’s possible for a secret to remain a secret. With two people, the secret is at risk, 50/50. With more than that, there’s no more secret.

Believe it or not, I’m actually grateful for all the bullshit that I have been around. It made me truly realize and appreciate the one’s that are genuine and real, making it worth so much more

If only respect wasn’t such a big issue.. then there would be no holding back,

Things changed since then but i know one thing stayed the same.. That feeling that came with the way you looked at me. That, without a doubt, hasn’t changed. You’ve made that pretty clear. We both know what we want ever since then.